Atypical Live Podcast - Episode 3: Accepting Help & Growth with Chelsea
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[00:00:00]
Introduction
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Welcome back to their Atypical Live podcast. That was a podcast voice, wasn't it? That was a radio host voice. ~Nah,~
We said when we first started this podcast, it was likely that many of the episodes could just be us just laughing at ourselves. ~We own jokes. But because we're so funny, awkward, funny. I feel like I have this like really creepy laugh too. Any who~ episode today we're talking about accepting help.
~Fun. It's so funny. So we were obviously.~ Have been in each other's lives for a long time. You've been supporting us for a long time. And I guess ~there's co it's,~ there's a couple of reasons for that ~and yeah, ~it's uncommon ~'cause~ we were talking about this recently as well. Typically speaking, someone that's in a support worker type role, wouldn't work with one family.
They'd probably have multiple people that they support throughout the week if they work for an organization or even themselves. But you are, you've obviously been with us for a long time. Yes. I'm guessing that means you like us a little [00:01:00] bit. But also, yeah, I guess your role isn't typical. ~'cause~ typically you would support one person, whereas you're supporting four.
Yeah. Plus a dog ~that's add in as well.~ I think the dog likes me the most. Definitely. Mr. Back. And so I guess, do you wanna share, I guess what's, why, what ~draw Drew~ you? Because you were obviously, and you were 12 at the time when you started. And I guess like the reason we're talking about this is ~'cause ~it can be really hard.
Thing for a lot of families, particularly with support needs. To accept help. Yeah. I guess as a kid I've always wanted to work with kids, but it's been a big passion of mine ~and we~ Because you were doing some babysitting Yeah, at the time as well. That's how we were ~someting ~at 11. Yeah, for those listening along and Chelsea's family will, support this statement, but Chelsea, as they say, is a [00:02:00] unicorn, one of a kind.
Meeting Chelsea
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But yeah, I guess through a family friend I met you and the big kids, and I've always, who were not big kids at the time, they were, no, they were babies. Two and three or three and four, something like that. But yeah, I've always wanted to work with kids and being introduced to. The environment where we were.
And so I met like you were, you say you started babysitting at 11 and 12 and we said, you're a unicorn, but you were, are much older and wiser. Oh yeah. For your age. Carol calls me a grandma. She's a nana with her blanket and a cup of tea. And my cat, she's now 20, 20 years old. Oh, you're almost 20.
20 a few weeks. Oh, 20. Yeah. Oh my gosh. She's like hesitating at being 20. Let's not talk about my age. But you are much more mature. Yeah. And I guess getting you introduced to the environment [00:03:00] and the way life was for you started a huge passion of mine. Like it was like opening the gates and I was like, oh my gosh, this is what I was destined to do.
And just. I started off helping facilitate little programs, which was just full of fun and movement, and then empowering like little girls to be their authentic self. And then just my role. Just evolving it just because we had a not-for-profit at the time. Yeah. Where we were running kind of social inclusion programs and just fun activities for kids.
Yeah. That didn't really have a space in community. So you were, and I guess this is a good starting point because you, even though you were supporting my family, you were supporting me only at the center. Yes. So when I was coming, to work or the kids were doing a program, that's where you would come and support us.
Yeah. Yeah. And I think learning along the way, like before [00:04:00] that, like I didn't have any experience of disability and autism, so it was very new to me but natural ability to connect. Yes. Yeah, it was, yeah talking in animal noises and using nets and just like all those like fun, like things just.
I think at one point I even roped you into helping me with a netball class, and you hated netball, but you like, and I guess that's a, testament to your character as well. Like you've never said no. You, you are a yes person to your detriment, but also you were willing to give anything a try.
Yeah. For the kids. Oh yeah. The kids have always been like my reason, but just, yeah. It was so fun to learn. And I just, yeah, because we being so young, and I remember we did like an interview when you were young. Young maybe you were like 13 at the time. 14, yeah. Asking you what your [00:05:00] favorite part was, working with the kids and, for the kids, like you were Miss Chelsea, but you was Mrs. Chelsea for some kid. I was like, miss Carol, and I was like, Mrs. Chelsea. I was like, oh my goodness. You are taller than me. Just, oh, I just remember I think I'm the way kids view the world. I think I worked one day on my birthday years ago, and then one of the kids were like.
When are you gonna get married and have kids? Because you are old. You were like 15, 16. I'm only 10 years older than you. I'm a baby myself. Yeah. But I just, learning is so fun for me, I think being in a new environment and it's like new world, yeah. And I was like, I think for me, like seeing your.
Maturity, but also genuine care. For not just my kids, but all of the kids that were in those [00:06:00] programs. And then being so open to learning is what kind of, for me was like, yeah, I want this person around my kids. Because when we are, we need help. Sometimes accessing life, as a neurodivergent family and a lot of families listening to this, they might have funding in their NDIS plans for accessing community or in-home support.
But as a parent, particularly to children that have additional needs, it can be really hard to build. Trust with someone and accept that help and know that your kids are going to be cared for. Safe and safe, validated. Have their needs met, accepted. Yeah. And something that you've always done really is also building relationships with adults.
Like even though you're not a parent, you've always made. Parents. I think comfortable, and I know this, which I [00:07:00] find like I found really weird because for classes not weird, but for classes I did, I would obviously do the greeting, do the handovers. And a lot of the parents were like, how old are you?
You'll be like, oh, I'm like 13, 14. They're like we thought you were so much older. Yeah. But it didn't stop them from coming back. No. And I thought that was, and obviously you weren't there alone. You had no. An adult present as well. I just. I feel like that trust for parents, I'm like, wow. That's massive.
Yeah. But that's also credit to you and how you present yourselves and also the way you talk about their children. You give feedback in a way that is loving and something that us as parents experience, when you're raising neurodivergent children or even children with disability is, we spend so much time talking about things that they can't do, and often the feedback we get is around things that they found challenging or things that they didn't do. In comparison to their peers [00:08:00] in, you've never focused on what they can't do. You always focus on what they can so they break the winds.
Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, obviously our relationship has changed over time. And we talked about this briefly in the previous episodes about how, you started coming to the programs. And that's how we got to know you and that's where you would support us, was in those environments. And then slowly as.
Life happened and you got a bit older and the needs of the kids changed as they got a bit older. That support also changed over time, but we grew together. Yeah.
Building Trust
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for me, accepting help, it is still uncomfortable. There's only one of me, yes, I need more Chelsea's. But for me that.
Has been something that [00:09:00] I've appreciated. I think because obviously we have had a long relationship and you've always been so consistent and supportive of us and validating that we, like our relationship has changed over time as well. Yes. To the point where, you know. You would come out with us to family things, to the point of allowing you to come into the home.
Into the home. 'cause our home has always been our safe space. Like we, we used to have therapists come to the home all the time and it got to the point where it was not home. Not, it didn't feel like home. Yeah. It also felt unsafe to a point because it felt like. Sometimes people were coming in with the wrong interests.
Yeah. And, we were exposing parts of our lives that were not really well understood. So it became hard to let people in. And then even, probably for a long time, that's why we were accessing support [00:10:00] at Community Spaces, which was our work at the time. Yeah. Rather than having that support come to the home.
But obviously we built. So much trust and with you and the kids love you. You're Chelsea, you're not a helper or a support worker. I think from the beginning they were so young we don't like using the term support worker with the kids. Like I'm friend Chelsea. Sister Chelsea.
Yeah. And I think it's always been. Like that. I've never viewed myself. It's so funny 'cause everyone always says like, how do you do it all? I have a Chelsea.
How do I get a Chelsea? You can't. She's mine.
But we've also as much as we greatly value your support we've, I've also, trying to. Support you with your [00:11:00] endeavors over the years and we've done, supported you with additional training that would help you feel more comfortable, confident, yeah. In the work that we are doing.
And you've been part of our life and obviously we've got two businesses, so you've been helping me. Do life.
We show up and be a professional. All the hidden work, I guess maybe do you wanna talk about some of the different ways that you provide support. 'cause there might be people out there and, and the NDIS is horrible in the way that they word support. 'cause it's like in-home, support with self-care.
What does self-care mean? Or in-home assistance with a child and or accessing social and community participation. Yeah. Do you wanna talk about, practically speaking what. That could look like, and the things that you currently do for us,
Types of Support
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I guess the support is different to what I give the kids versus how I support you.
I think with the kids, it's more [00:12:00] fun. Not that not supporting you is not fun, but it's very Okay. Now the truth comes out
with the kids. It's like very play based. We're playing games and we're doing this and all that. Whereas with you, it's okay, what do you need? Do we need to do a whiteboard session? You need to eat. I'm going to go pick up food. Have you taken your medication? Or it's Mrs.
Fun, let's go out. Do you want me to sit in the room with you or outside the room? Yeah, I don't, yeah, just. Yeah, but I guess like even going back to the kids, so it's fun. But, so we have, different ages of kids that you do different things with to help routines go smoothly, creating visuals and like coming up with ideas on, if this child has this goal, how can we meet the best goal by, so it is like you are [00:13:00] always part of that planning. And initially when you started coming to the home, it was to help like with practicing like therapy based strategies to make the routine go smoother. So for example, if Cooper had a goal around let's say. Brushing our hair.
Like we would have a visual schedule and step by step process that we would go through of, I think a probably better example was like, getting ready for school in the morning. Yeah. Or even like making a snack. Making a snack. Yeah. We've done so much baking and cooking, baking and then baking.
Put it like bakeoffs and there's like practical skills on in the kitchen. Okay what are we making? How do we make it? And then breaking that down, where's our plan down? What's the plan? What do we need to get from the shops? And yeah, if we're going to the shops, what do we need?
Are we all going or just some of us going And then, doing the whole baking process. What comes after need to [00:14:00] pop the ingredients away. We need to clean up. We can't leave the kitchen. We need to wait for Yeah, it's safety. Yeah. You can't go off into your room 'cause what if the time or in the oven goes off?
Yeah. And I guess like over the years, the types of activities that you've done with them has changed depending on. Their goals. Yes. But also their interests, like you've accompanied them to art class. We collectively as a, like our family, have gone to the pools to work on safety.
We've worked on safety in lots of different spaces. We've gone to. You've accompanied some of them to, external therapy appointments to help them feel comfortable in that space, but also learn some of the strategies and language that we are using at home. What else? So many things like the most recently, Cooper's been home on the Fridays, so you've had a bit of a morning routine going to.
The [00:15:00] horses and going and getting morning tea. Yep. Sometimes going to the library or activities of interest for her, but also things that are building her confidence and capacity Yeah. In those different spaces. And obviously, what you do with her is different also, again, with what you do with Mr.
L, but also sj. And so do you wanna talk about SJ and like what your I was very fortunate because I was already in your lives before sj. Yeah. So I've been there from the start his whole life. Whole life. Yeah. And it was, I think for sj, and for you too, being that person for when you were ready and SJ was ready for you.
To go back to work. And I do his like day routine and it's very on his terms. Yeah. But it's very [00:16:00] play based, like where like communication and playing games and I guess. He's still very good horse. So yeah, I think safety like most importantly as well. Yeah. 'cause whether we're home and he's launching off couches or whatever he is doing or swimming, going out into the community, like with all the kids.
Yeah. Yeah, even that in itself, like that was a team effort. Something. We had to navigate that transition and I, had a really hard time accepting help that I couldn't do it all by myself 'cause I really wanted to. But even, going from having two kids to three kids.
Going to the shops, and I don't know if you remember this, like that conversation we had in the IGA car park, like what order are we gonna get them out? And shall I get the big kids out first? Or should we get the pram out first? Yeah. And how are we gonna do it without everyone running off and running into the car park?
Yeah, just think, yeah, just com communication is [00:17:00] important. And even getting into cca. Okay, we need to turn the car on big kids. Your hands need to stay here where I can see you. And then. Getting SJ in and then the big kids are going in, it's, yeah. And there's a lot of people that might be listening thinking like, oh, these like normal daily things that we teach our kids.
Any kid. But I guess the reality is that, it looks a little bit different, and it's different for many reasons. The first one is specifically, Cooper and SJ are both a C users. So they're not. Verbal communicators, they use a communication device. And receptively understanding instructions and their awareness of the world is different.
Yes. So it takes time to explain what we're doing. Sometimes there's a lot of anxiety around what we're doing, so it's supporting them through those tricky moments. It's also [00:18:00] about helping them. Communicate their needs effectively, self advocating and also with other people too, because communication differences is still a big barrier to participation and connection.
Making friends. So that's I guess, one difference. And then of course, managing sensory needs. We have both. Highly sensory seeking kids and also sensory sensitive in different environments, but also different days depending on whether they've slept well. And so obviously trying to navigate three children that have different support needs.
Yeah. And need you all at the same time, has been, I won't say impossible for me, but. It certainly is easier with you. Yeah. Helping and [00:19:00] not just with me, but for the whole family unit so that every child can have their individual needs heard and met. Yeah. And also so that we can be more successful in the day because it only takes one thing to go wrong before it all unravels.
So I guess that's, just a few of examples of ways that you support us. Over the years you've gone into school to help with settling in transitions, filling the gaps when there wasn't an ea. Yeah. I think, I'm not typically speaking your job, but wor so many different hats. Yep. Like I think just.
Yeah, you've helped facilitate social programs under our businesses to provide opportunities for our kids to participate because there either wasn't something in the community or they weren't [00:20:00] comfortable doing it somewhere else with other people you've assisted. Yeah. With accessing, art classes and.
Building money management skills, if we're making purchases and sometimes to, yeah, dialing back the confidence to make purchases. We dialing back the confidence to have conversations with randoms on the street.
Oh, so supporters looked differently at different stages. Yeah, but I think that again, goes from when I was 12 and now I'm nearly 20. I've been in your lives for eight years and and I guess that's talking about our family. And you're currently with our family full time, but over the years you've also supported many other families.
And so sometimes. That support for them also looks [00:21:00] differently as well? Yes. In terms of, providing support in the home so that parents can take a break, which is also something that a lot of parents find hard to do because they feel guilty. And then, not always a hundred percent confident.
Is there anything that you've done, through or what your tips would be to. Other support workers or for families that might be thinking about, wanting to access support for respite. What have you done that made that, a more comfortable transition?
Finding the Right Fit
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I don't think it's necessarily what I've done, but I've always been a believer of, it's the right fit.
Like the person needs to be the right fit, but also. You have to know the family or the go the kids. Like you can't just step in and be that person. You actually have to, care. [00:22:00] And, know the interest of the kids and what that, kid needs and you can't just walk in and think you know everything.
You're always going to be learning. So how do you find out? Just, I dunno, it's like common sense for you, but it's something, yes, you were along the way, but it's also having those conversations and so asking the parents Yeah. Questions. Yep. Watching what their daily routines are, how they speak to their kids even.
Yeah. I think, yeah, again, you learn along the way, but. I think it's always been curious to, yeah, I guess that's why we say you're a unicorn. 'cause you are, you genuinely have good intentions and you genuinely want to support families. And something we were saying earlier, it's oh, floor as well and we just wanna [00:23:00] help.
But you do that so well, which is, why. You've been with us. Look, you're getting emotional. That's, I hate talking about myself. This has been so much. Me. Next topic, please. We I think, you know the, for me as well, we've. I was like, I don't wanna say we've been together 'cause we're not together.
But you've been supporting us for as long as you have and for me, second longest relationship in my life.
But because you I don't ever feel judged by you, even in my, lowest points and hardest challenging. Days. But you also listen, you are intuitive. You, I don't always have words. I don't always know what I need, [00:24:00] but I think because we've known each other for so long, we've gotten to the point we don't need words.
Like we don't need words to know. Even like for you and me, like for you, to me, I don't need to bear eyes, yeah, just have a whole podcast, but, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I think also you being a mentor to me, like you are on your own learning journey, but you were always teaching me, giving me resources to always learn.
I think that's what I appreciated, that you are on your own journey to learning and finding out information, but. You sharing that with me as well. Yeah. And I think, do you think that's, something that other families could do as well? Because I think like there is sometimes a disconnect between the support worker and even the therapists that are working with a [00:25:00] child and a family.
I think it's almost seen like they're two separate things when actually we're all on the same team. Yeah. And I think in some cases, I think, like you mentioned in the other episodes, parents typically come to the professionals in quotations for that information. Parents know their child best though.
100%. Yeah. And I think, I think I probably am a. Oh, I might probably teach people when they don't wanna be taught, but I like sharing information. Yeah. But for our kids, for me it was important because raising them in a neuro affirming way in a way that they are celebrated and supported and loved was important to me.
So anyone that was spending time with them, I also wanted them to be doing the same thing, but also. When we share that knowledge [00:26:00] that we have, it helps the next person. And hopefully builds their confidence to keep going in the role as well. Parents sharing information about their child may also help the next family as well.
And as much as we don't wanna overshare and it's not our role to do that, it does help Yeah. Build confidence. And I think accepting help is always hard. It leaves you feeling vulnerable. But when you have the right person, and we've had we have had adver support workers throughout the years that have, because we've needed more help and even just the kids need different people at different stages. I was still at school. You Yeah, you were at school for a long time, so you weren't available during the days. And also conscious not to overwork you too, especially when you were studying, but so we have had other support workers too. And not that any of [00:27:00] them were, good or bad.
I think some of them played their role for the time that they were with us. And then. Others, maybe weren't the right fit. But it also reinforced to me that, what was important when we were looking for the right person to join our team. And now I just hope you never leave.
'cause we almost see, we almost did this year we were, was exploring, supporting you to, spread your wings and go and try a new role. And that meant that we would have to feel. Your time with us, with someone else. And we'd started the process trying to find this person. I felt sick to my stomach, emotional every day.
I was like, I don't like this. Because it's a hard thing to let people in. It takes time, especially if you live in a remote area like we do. The disability sector's really transient. Sometimes it attracts people. To the work for the wrong reasons. It's also really unregulated, so you never quite know [00:28:00] who you're working with.
So it's important for families to do their due diligence and, ask for background information ask for experience. Yeah, I remember a few, even interviews I'd done on behalf of other families trying to find them the right match. Some of the answers you get from people we ask what kind of experience they've had working with certain people or certain ages and stages, and some assume that I've worked with one, so it must be the same. And it's not. It's not always the case. So even if you are, I think exactly like you said, like asking questions, helps the support worker understand if they're the right match for the family too, as well as the fam.
Family understanding if they're the right fit. It's important on both sides to ask questions and even start maybe small, start small, build a relationship. But building relationships is most important. Yeah. Like you're not gonna get anywhere if you don't have a solid [00:29:00] relationship or connection Yeah. With that person.
And I think starting, probably as we did reflecting back, starting a. Familiar safe space, a neutral space and see if they connect. And if it's a good fit, build on it from there. Do you know, maybe more regular days or longer shifts. And and also, even the way, similar to how we approach assessments, I guess start with the less vulnerable, less personal goals.
Yes. Accessing community before you approach. Assistant with self care, that kind of thing, and build up to. If you're a family that is building up to taking a break, having respite, maybe that person comes and spends time with you in the home, yes, regularly, for a few hours a week before you leave, or maybe you leave for 10 minutes, then you leave for half an hour and build up the time until you get [00:30:00] to a point where you feel comfortable.
Yeah, a bit of it's just like I'm just popping to the shops. 'cause even going to the shops can be a break, but it can be a lot when you're taking a child with you. Yeah. So one less, challenge for the day or one, one task reduced can be helpful. But that's for those, listening along and, maybe you've been thinking about how you'd go about bringing someone into your support team or.
Having a support worker come into the home, or just even, how do I use this funding? What kinds of things could we do? It looks differently for everyone, obviously, depending on diagnosis, disability, interest, availability, and goals. But yeah, our advice is to start small, ask questions, and just refine as you need to.
Yeah.
Closing Thoughts
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Thanks for listening into episode three, and we'll catch you in the next episode. Bye [00:31:00] bye.
